all we do is party

dear agent m,

there were no exciting parties the week of midterms. however, there is more often than not something exciting going on on friday nights at ucla. i would be happy to take you to a party anytime that you want! i don't know that it'll necessarily be fun, since all frat guys should go to hell, but it will certainly be an experience!

will return with a secret assignment for you soon.

love,

s

Not quite a fail?

Agent S,

Thank you so much for your attempt. It is appreciated!

As for your request, I scoured Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, and others for the shorts, but found none. However, I did find these two:

http://www.dancewearsolutions.com/ballet/SQ2977.aspx

http://www.atafa.com/sports/products/Pizzazz_Body_Basics_Sequined_Boys_Cut_Briefs_Adult-267666.html

They aren't from a major store, but maybe you could order them online? They look like what you're looking for.

Mission for Agent S

Find out what events/parties are happening midterms weekend (not this weekend, the one after that.) We have a 5 day weekend and I want to find something to do.

i have failed you,

my dearest m, as a secret agent. I was not able to uncover any interesting dirt on E, and whether she is not as good of a girl as she seems. I do recall however hearing things in the past about hooking up with boys upon first meeting them and also of some exploits with my favorite plant, which J also likes a lot, if you catch my drift.

I am sorry for not being an up to par ninja.

Your task:

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=btms%5Fshorts&product%5Fid=2069102214&Page=all

Do shorts like this exist on any other website? In a size medium, perhaps?

Let me know.

All my love,

Disgrace-to-all-who-go-by-the-name-of-agent S

Google, shmoogle.

Agent S,

I have been trying to find an answer to your question. I do admit, I was quite intrigued at the idea that girls can actually trick guys into liking them.

Unfortunately, most of the articles I found were about how to trick girls into liking guys. Which wasn't very helpful.

I did find two articles that addressed it, though. They're pretty run of the mill ideas, though. There's no magic trick that will get a guy to automatically like a girl, unfortunately for us.

The first one's about how body language can get him to like you, and the second is 5 guaranteed ways to make him fall in love with you.

http://love.ivillage.com/snd/meetmarket/0,,traceycox_7q7gcjp6,00.html

http://love.ivillage.com/snd/0,,qdtb,00.html

Sigh. Once again Google has failed us.

Mission for Agent S:

M's been telling me that E isn't quite as much of a "good girl" as she seems. I've tried to do some digging, but have had no luck. I'm sure it's just the norm, but I'm still curious because she's never told me about anything. Do you happen to know anything about it? If not, maybe MA would know?

the information with which you have provided me

has proven to be unsurprising, M. I think you are right in suggesting that J made up the story. 1) J loves to lie. 2) Who would ever have sex with J, except for our other favorite person, also named J? From these two facts I must conclude that casual sex partner is a figment of her imagination, which is very vivid, as she is a resident of crazy town.

I could not find any articles specifically on the degeneration of male psychology since the 19th century, but it got me thinking about chivalry, so I pulled a couple of articles on that instead. They're not particularly helpful articles, sadly. Google is really just useless nowadays. A secret agent can't get much of anything done it seems.

http://ezinearticles.com/?If-Chivalry-is-Dead-Ladies,-I-Think-We-Helped-Kill-It&id=2951422

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/32_dating_girl.html
I even went so far as to use ucla's online database to search jstor for books/articles on chilvary. Found a few. Am not able to share them. My favorite was a book called "chivalry in the romantic novel." I am uploading a page just to prove I did my research :)



Even without research though, I can draw a reasonably certain conclusion: men suck. They can't be depended upon. We should all join nunneries.

Since I have been having all this drama with boy S, I've been wondering: I've heard that girls can TRICK GUYS INTO LIKING THEM? AND MAKE GUYS LIKE THEM? but I don't actually know how one would go about doing that.

Your task: Research girls making boys like them.

Resignedly yours,

S.

all a facade?

Agent S,

Dear lord. I got myself into quite a situation.

So I asked C about J, and it turns out he was not quite in the mood to be talking about that stuff, since he had just recently been in a fight with his girlfriend. So now he's very angry at me, and it's extremely bizarre.

Quote:

can you actually clarify

marlee i just had a really serious talk with my girlfriend about how she wants to break up because she loves me and i'm really frustrated

and not in the mood to be used or screwed with

tell me what just happened

So I kinda tried to explain myself, and he hasn't responded. I'll update you if anything happens.

However, he did tell me that he was good friends with J, and that he had no idea what I was talking about.

So I'm guessing she made it up. He didn't sound like he was lying. Weirdness.

Over and out,

Agent M

UPDATE: C now says he wouldn't know, and to ask Jacki. Lldsfjdlsfjsdlf.

New Assignment for Agent S:

Find an article about how the psychology of men has changed from the 19th century to now. I know there must be one out there and I am legitimately curious.

WHO BEARS THE FILTH OF THE BEAST?

J claims to have had casual sex with a male friend at windward. It is your task, M, to figure out who this male is.

Yours in secret agenthood,

S.